I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize