that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
