a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
