watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How naked do you want me to be?
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