and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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