All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How external is "for external use only"?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
