This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
