put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
