so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
