oh fat girl friday strikes again...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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