I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just invented taco cereal.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
