Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
