Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
try to milk me bitch
Randomize