dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
