You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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