when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
