your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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