I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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