I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
