WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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