Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
