I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
