I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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