he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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