escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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