I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
