my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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