My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize