Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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