I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
