I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
