We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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