i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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