i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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