I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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