You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
