I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
