I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
