Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
