i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
