Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
