But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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