It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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