he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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