it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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