That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize