do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
