i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
