We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
