When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
