all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
