how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
