I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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