you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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