I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
