Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
