there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
