I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
