i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
