Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I know her cup size but not her name....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize