EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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