he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Drunk is a universal language darling
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
