i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
