I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
