He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
