Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
