Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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