If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
