Please, let me fuck your mom
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
