Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
