i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize