i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
