I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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