i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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