it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize