Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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