If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
