my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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