I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
