The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize