He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
