8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
