dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize