i always forget guys have bellybuttons
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
All I want is dick and wine.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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