I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
