if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize