to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
