Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
