So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize