he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize