They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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