ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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