Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
