proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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