cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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